so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
