I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
