You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
