I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
