I wish I only lived at night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My pussy is not your playground.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
