guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
