32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
