aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
