just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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