Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
