I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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