i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
