Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
