I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
