I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
