I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
