You can't motorboat a personality
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize