the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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