Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
