I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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