with your own penis?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
