The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
