Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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