she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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