i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
