Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
