once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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