just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny