Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.