Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?