LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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