I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.