Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?