a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
