Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
