if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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