he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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