i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
