please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
