Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
