I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We got so high we made milksteak
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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