Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she looked like the before picture.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
