I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
