Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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