false alarm. still invincible.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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