I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
