So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
