You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
