Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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