yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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