so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
