umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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