Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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