dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
