Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
