operation harelip BJ is a go
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
