Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
