I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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