i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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