I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
