there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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