D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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