he shaved USA in his pubs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
