do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
