yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if only i could text you this smell
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
