I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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