Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
