I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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