She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
