we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
