Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
