are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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