i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
