If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
