you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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