so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
