i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
