Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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