My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
