I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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