Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
